today is the 10th day.fyi,the past 10 days are the most miserable 10 days in my entire life.i have faced a lot throughout my life but these 10 days are the worst so far.for the first couple of days,i shed a lot of tears.mata memang bengkak-bengkak lah kan.wondering why this thing happen to me.did everyone gone insane?is it my fault?am i the one to blame?i didn't do enough,didn't i?i wasn't good enough,wasn't i?did i fail to be a good girl?or did you?why people got angry?i am mad too.but i never seem to find a way to express my feelings all this while.am i wrong for doing that?for hiding my feelings?i thought i was.
then, i thought about this matter all over again.just to find out where did i go wrong.and i didn't seem to find any.so i wondered again.why should i cry?i am not at fault.i shouldn't be the one to blame.i did my best even if i wasn't good enough.i am not a failure.i am not wrong!since that day,no more tears.i refuse to shed tears for you again.i think i have had shed enough tears.i got tired with all the arguments,the blaming.i do not think i can handle it anymore.i am on my own way now.
but still,i cannot resist myself from thinking about it,yet.i think about it before i sleep,when i eat,when i have nothing to do.and even when i go out for a date with my boyfriend,this matter still bothering me.sometimes,i dreamed away with this thought of mine.i am so sorry if i didn't talk that much.i am so sorry if i wasn't paying enough attention to what you were saying.it did not mean that i did not miss you.i just got carried away.in fact,i was happy to see you yesterday.and the date was a blast :-) thank God,with all this misery,He still send me some happiness.siapa cakap tuhan tak adil,memang layak disambar petir.and what i have went through for the past 10 days have been such a wake up call for me.
from now on,as far as i can,i will not going to depend on others to achieve anything in my life.i will not going to put a lot of hope to anyone else except to me.seriously,in my case,i got tired of hoping to other people.it was pointless.all i got is just a pure massive disappointment.
but there is some parts of me that is very revengeful.i want people to pay for what they have done to me.apa yang kau dah rampas daripada aku,aku akan rampas balik daripada kau.kalau boleh,aku nak buat lebih lagi.aku nak buat kau terduduk.aku nak kau melutut minta maaf atas apa yang kau dah buat.thanks to you,i got very driven by revenge and hateful towards you.memang aku benci sangat kat kau.Tuhan saja yang tahu benci aku pada kau.
tapi,sedangkan Nabi maafkan umat.apa lah hak aku nak balas semua perbuatan jijik kau,kan?but one thing for sure.Allah Maha Adil.Tuhan akan bayar juga perbuatan kau nanti.tunggu saja lah.Allah pun sentiasa memakbulkan doa orang-orang yang dianiaya.(lepas ni aku nak doa banyak-banyak)
Sekian.Wasalam.
ps:jahat eh aku sebab berdendam?
1 comment:
xjht sgt sbb major org mcm tu
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